By Shavonne Potts Salisbury Post Since January, 44 women, children and men were murdered in domestic violence-related deaths in North Carolina. When the abuse occurs, the excuses vary, say domestic violence experts. It was just a fight. He snapped. She should've known better than to be with him. He was mentally ill. "It's time we raise the curtain. We have to look at it as an epidemic. We need to think of domestic violence everyday," said Marie Brodie, founder and president of Walk in My Shoes, a domestic violence training and consulting firm. Brodie was the guest speaker at a Thursday domestic violence workshop held at the Hefner VA Medical Center. Brodie said it's easy to make excuses for an abuser who kills. "The often heard phrase is it was a crime of passion," she said. But the community, law enforcement, the court system and advocacy groups can address those excuses. Brodie takes issue with court rulings sentencing abusers to anger management classes and substance abuse counseling. "It doesn't treat the problem," she said. "It's not going to help because they're not going to be held responsible for their actions." She said these type of court mandates sometimes get off track of the real problem, which isn't necessarily anger or substance abuse. It's often a question of one person wanting power and control over another. Batterers often use tactics that don't violate any law but betray their larger motivation, Brodie said. They might monitor a spouse's mileage, compare the time on the grocery receipt to the time their spouse left home or make the victim turn over their paycheck. "It's a pattern. It doesn't happen once. It's repetitive," she said. Joyce Shelton attended Thursday's workshop on behalf of her daughter, Priscilla Shelton Huffman. Priscilla Huffman was murdered a year ago by her husband, Alan, who then killed himself in their Landis home. "It's not just something you read about in the paper. Today, it might be apart of your life, tomorrow it could be your whole life," she said, borrowing a line from Brodie. Shelton and her husband are now raising Priscilla's three daughters. It's not easy for any of them. One of the girls had a soccer game recently, and Shelton wanted her granddaughter to know Priscilla was with her. So Shelton wore a shirt she had made with Priscilla's smiling face on it. Shelton wore the same purple shirt to Thursday's workshop. Somehow her daughter was with her. More information about Brodie and her organization is available online at www.walkinmyshoes.org. The Web site is currently under construction. Contact Shavonne Potts at 704-797-4253 or spotts@salisburypost.com.
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